I know it's real because I can feel it.
It's painful. It's heavy. It drowns out the sunlight.
I recognize when it's happening.
Engraved deep in my mind are feelings of unworthiness. I don't believe that that I am good at anything or worthy of much- including love, friendship or success. I'm the outcast, the stupid girl who didn't finish college, who is too bogged down with fears and insecurities to ever amount to anything.
Most days I can fight those feelings, but on days like today- I can't. I can't fight them.
So, I get quiet. I isolate myself. I get angry. I get sad. I get sleepy. I cry.
I allow myself to sit with the pain and loneliness, hoping that tomorrow it gets better. It almost always gets better.