If you know me well enough then you know that I am prone to panic attacks and anxiety. I have been on meds for it numerous times. When I found out I was pregnant I quit taking the meds because I didn't want to hurt the baby. I have managed (for the most part) to keep myself fairly calm. Until this week.
I am in a constant state of anxiety. I am completely freaked out by my blood pressure. I think that I checked it at least 20 times yesterday. Yes, even with the blood pressure meds, my blood pressure is still high. It fluctuates between 140/80 to 160/100. Not good. Makes me panic. Which makes the blood pressure go higher. I'm terrified that I am going to have a stroke, even though with pre-eclampsia if you are going to have a stroke it usually happens within the first 48 hours after delivery. If I have a stroke who is going to take care of my precious babies. The thought comsumes me and I cry quite a bit.
I'm really having a rough time holding it all together. I know that part of it has to do with hormones and sleep deprivation. I'm trying my best to trust in God. While I know that everything is in his hands, I'm just having a hard time finding peace.